On support calls, counselors sometimes say a client is doing very well with journaling but barely speaking up in group sessions (or reticent to disclose in individual sessions). When asked to explain this, I usually respond with a question, “Did you ask your client about the discrepancy?” More often than not, the answer is “No.”

In the counseling profession, we’re often made to feel or make ourselves feel that we should be able to explain everything we observe. But the truth is, we can’t. To a large extent, good clinical work depends on asking our clients thoughtful questions that deepen the conversation and our understanding of them and their situation.

So, if you’ve ever noticed that your client is engaging in some parts of counseling and not others, congratulations. It’s an important observation. Now, the challenge is to understand the obstacles.

When clients are progressing well in journaling and less engaged in group sessions, I suggest approaching them gently and directly with curiosity, rather than making any assumptions. Something like: “I’ve noticed you seem really comfortable expressing yourself in your journal, but you’re much quieter in group. What’s that been like for you?”

Questions like this are powerful because they communicate something important to clients: You’re showing that you see them, that you’re paying attention to them, and that you care about their experiences. You’re on their side (and it might feel like you’re the only person in their life who is on their side). This really matters.

And by opening that door, you create an opportunity for them to tell you something meaningful. Maybe they don’t feel safe talking openly in group. Maybe they’re worried about judgment, confidentiality, or saying the “wrong” thing. If that’s the case, it’s important not only for that client’s care, but also for the rest of your group that you address these issues.

Other times, clients may tell you they feel anxious speaking in front of others or talking openly about personal issues. In my experience, this usually extends far beyond group therapy and probably interferes in other areas of their lives and needs to be addressed. When that happens, you’ve uncovered something important. You’ve found a treatment barrier plus a topic for a working session that probably much of your group will relate to.

Just as importantly, moments like this can strengthen the therapeutic relationship. When clients feel noticed instead of judged, they’re often more willing to open up. Sometimes simply asking the question helps clients feel safer and more understood.

Bear in mind that some clients naturally feel safer expressing themselves indirectly, through writing, art, music, or humor, before they feel comfortable speaking openly in front of others. Some of them may be more deeply engaged than we imagine.

For those of you who work with adolescents, remember they often experience intense fear of judgment, embarrassment, or rejection from peers. Speaking openly in a group setting can feel incredibly vulnerable, especially when discussing things like substance use, family conflict, or painful experiences. We can help them past this obstacle.

The key point is this: when clients engage differently across different parts of treatment, don’t rush to interpret the behavior. Take a second to pause, get curious, and start to dig deeper. Often, the answer isn’t resistance or lack of motivation (although that does come up sometimes, too!), it’s information about what the client is experiencing and what they need from us.