In The Seven Challenges, we say, “Meet clients where they are.” There’s a good reason for this. Years of clinical experience and research have shown that forcing clients to adopt a specific goal or coercing them to behave a certain way doesn’t produce better outcomes. In fact, it often has the opposite effect, causing clients to shut down or resist the very care that could help them. But meeting clients where they are can be misunderstood.
In an effort to respect a client’s autonomy, counselors sometimes fall into a trap. They may avoid challenging clients or exploring difficult topics under the guise of “meeting them where they are.” There is a fine line between meeting clients where they are and helping them, versus meeting them where they are and leaving them stuck.
What isn’t Meeting a Client Where They are
Sometimes counselors become so focused on honoring client choice that they hand over complete control of the counseling process. If this happens, don’t forget to pay your client your hourly rate! All jokes aside, at its core, this comes from a good place and is a sign of good, caring instincts. It shows your desire to listen, respect autonomy, and support clients in pursuing their own goals.
But sometimes the conversation goes like this:
- Counselor: “Do you want to start going to groups?”
- Client: “No, not really.”
- Counselor: “Okay.”
At first glance, this might seem like meeting the client where they are. In reality, it may be a case of accepting an answer without understanding it. You should absolutely respect the client’s preference to not attend groups. But if the conversation ends there, you and your client have missed an opportunity to learn something important.
If a colleague told you that a client wasn’t attending groups simply because “they don’t want to,” you’d probably have questions. Why don’t they want to go? What’s getting in the way? To truly meet clients where they are, we need to put everything in perspective. In the example above, where the client “is” is stuck. To help the client get unstuck, we need to understand what is behind the answer.
There are a great many reasons why a client might resist attending group. They may feel anxious speaking in front of others. They may worry that what they share will be used against them. They may have had negative experiences in previous groups. They may not see the value. They may simply feel overwhelmed. (Learn how to run successful groups.)
Another reason counselors sometimes stop the conversation is they’re worried further discussion will create conflict or damage the therapeutic relationship. Sometimes that’s a legitimate concern! But there are ways of exploring a client’s perspective without creating a power struggle. This would be part of helping a client get “unstuck.”
How to Meet a Client Where They are
Returning to our example, meeting a client where they are requires curiosity about why they don’t want to attend groups. Telling them they need to attend because it’s part of treatment may be factually correct, but it can turn the conversation into a battle of wills. The client says “no,” the counselors says “yes,” and nobody wins.
A more productive approach is to validate that people have reasons for not attending a group and ask questions:
- What is it about group that doesn’t appeal to you?
- What concerns do you have?
- What do you think might happen if you attend group?
- What experiences have you had with groups in the past?
These questions accomplish several things. First, they show the client that you’re listening to them and are genuinely interested in understanding things from their perspective.
Second, they provide valuable information about what your client is experiencing. If the issue is anxiety, fear of judgment, or concerns about confidentiality, those are all real barriers that deserve your attention. Once you understand the barrier, you can help the client address it.
Third, this process shows something important about the counseling relationship. It shows your client you’re not there to win an argument or push an agenda. You’re there as a problem-solving partner that will help them face challenges that are getting in the way of the life they want. And that’s really the difference between being a pushover and meeting clients where they are.
Meeting clients where they are doesn’t mean accepting every answer at face value. It means being curious enough to understand the answer before deciding what comes next.